Ever and a day

Lie in comfort of sweet calamity with nothing left to lose. Like in the darkness, I'm slowly drowned to sleep nothing left to lose. Three tears I've saved for you. I'd retrace the steps that lead me here but nothing lives behind me. So I lie in this field bathed in the light that loves me, with nothing left to lose. Three tears I've saved for you. Will you be my beloved? Will you help me to get through? Will you be my destruction? Will you help me to be through?

*Lie in the comfort of sweet calamity #Lie alone, thinking about the mess that Iíve made of everything. I feel like shit, but I donít really want to feel better right now. I think that if I felt better, Iíd be denying the mistakes that Iíve made, and pretending that everything was okay when it wasnít. Iíd feel like a fraud, or an idiot. So I suppose you could say Iím almost happier feeling shitty.

*With nothing left to lose #I feel that I have fucked my life up so badly that it is beyond repair. I feel like I want to die, simply in the hope that reincarnation is what happens when you die, so I can come back and hopefully not fuck things up as bad next time(this is me talking, not Davey, so Idunno if he was thinking this, but you know what I mean.)

*Lie in the darkness, Iím slowly drowned to sleep #Iím laying here, hiding from the world, hiding from everything, and slowly falling asleep so that I can forget about everything. (with me, this actually refers to when Iím laying on my bed under the covers, listening to this very song until Iím half asleep.)

*With nothing left to lose #Same as before.

*Three tears Iíve saved for you. #I know that you must think that Iím being awfully selfish, and that all of this is just self-pity. Oh, whine, whine, poor me, poor me... But in reality, at least half of whatís making me feel shitty is thinking of how much Iíve hurt others. And in reality, Iím also thinking about you. I donít know if youíre aware of this, but I really do care about you,and I think about you a lot, even in times like this.

*Iíd retrace the steps that led me here, but nothing lives behind me #I wish that I could go back and fix everything, and undo all the mistakes that I made. I wish that I could fix it, and make everything all better again. But I canít. Life canít go backwards, and there is no way to undo the damage that Iíve done. Iíve said and done some really bad things, and hurt some people very badly, and there is nothing in the world that can fix that.

*So I lie in this field bathed in the light that loves me #So I lay here alone, hiding from the world, in a place where I am comfortable and safe. A place where I am not surrounded by people, and constantly reminded of why Iím feeling the way I do. Iím in a place where there is nothing that I could say or do that could hurt anyone, because there is no one around to be hurt.

*With nothing left to lose #Same again.

*Will you be my beloved? #Do you care about me as much as I care about you?

*Will you help me to get through? #Literal. Will you help me when I need it? If I come to you asking for support, or at least a sympathetic ear, will you be there for me?

*Will you be my destruction? Will you help me to be through? #Now this is where it gets kind of scary, and it might be the only line I donít relate to, because I donít think I donít know if Iíd ever ask anyone to do this. Although it does seem to make a lot of sense... Anyhoo... Iíd say itís literal: If I were to want to commit suicide, and I let you know that I had a really good reason for it, would you understand? Would you let me go through with it, if it was what I really wanted to do? I know youíll miss me, and I know youíll mourn, but in the end will you be okay?
Posted by: Outsider